Mrs Gwendoline Carr put on her marigold gloves while contemplating how nice it would be to have a conservatory. She sighed, then slipped round the back into her rather disagreeable neighbour's garden and tapped on his backdoor. At 9:58 a.m. she drove a 1/4 inch chasse-mortis upwards beneath his sternum directly into his heart. At 10:03 he was clinically dead and at 10:24 Mrs. Carr was on the bus into town. At 10:58 she entered the town hall planning department and handed in her planning application for a conservatory with a smile, knowing it would not be contested - this time.

Adultery

Looking back, how could I have been so stupid: Loneliness? Because I was on my own that night. Possibly. But, whatever the reason, we ended up in bed together. What was I thinking? My wife was bound to find tell-tale signs - and our dog wasn't even allowed upstairs.

Assault

There were three of them and from the start I hadn't a chance. Anyway, don't they tell you not to try anything clever but submit gracefully. So that's what I did and, I must say, I did enjoy those chocolate éclairs - even though I was officially on a diet.

A Shaggy Travel Story

I've had my fill of doing good deeds for people. Well, how would you feel? Some years ago, travelling by train to Salisbury, our first stop was Woking. An elderly lady in our compartment opened the carriage door and climbed out. As the train restarted I noticed her suitcase still on the luggage-rack so, knowing how worried she would be leaving it behind, I opened the door and threw the case onto the platform. Seconds later the compartment door slid open and in stepped the lady in question carrying a sandwich and a cup of tea.

"Marigolds"

Adultery

Assault

A Shaggy Travel Story